Things are incredibly hectic around here, but in a day or two they will be calming down and Ashtyn and our other posters will be giving you all the gossip news that is far too snarky to print. In the meantime, feel free to check out the following video “Just Dance” by Lady GaGa.

From one of her many press releases:

““Why can’t we just have a good time like they did in the disco days?” This is Lady GaGa’s lament. Her debut album The Fame does just that. Blasting in like a shot from a sequin cannon, a living disco ball set against a dark sky, never descending, daring the sun to come up. It’s a fete, a Mardi Gras, a party out of bounds coming at you like a wobbly cocktail held high above a crowd dizzied by club life.

It’s all hosted by GaGa, a bigger than life presence that’s all glamour and money and clouds of smoke and perfume. But it’s not meant to exclude. She’s singing about you with music that chases down a dance, pop, punk, burlesque hybrid and wrestles it to the floor. GaGa has the gift to grab you by the hand and pull you right into the spotlight along with her. It’s a shareable fame. The exclusion is gone. Isn’t this why they built dance floors in the first place? Lady Gaga – Changing the world one sequin at a time…

The Fame featuring “Just Dance” coming summer 2008

Technorati Tags: Music Video, Lady Gaga, Summer, Just dance, Disco, Pop, Changing the World, Funky, Interscope

The idea of Courtney Love loosing powder is absolutely absurd. Now, you might want to take this news with a grain of salt, because it’s possible that Love was high and she snorted Cobain away. Anyway, the news is that Kurt Cobain’s ashes are missing. Love is saying that someone stole them. Apparently, she sprinkled some ashes in New York, some in Washington, and she kept some for herself.

She spoke to News of the World and told them:
“I can’t believe anyone would take Kurt’s ashes from me. I find it disgusting and right now I’m suicidal. If I don’t get them back I don’t know what I’ll do. The sad news will sicken the millions of Cobain and Nirvana fans worldwide. They were all I had left of my husband. I used to take them everywhere with me just so I could feel Kurt was still with me. Now it feels like I have lost him all over again.”

The fact that Love is claiming she’s suicidal is mildly comical since she’s been trying to kill herself for years. Sure, maybe not in the same way Cobain did, but she’s trying in her own special way. Adding that Kurt used to be toted around with her is even more amusing. You can just see her carrying her urn to drug deals and facing it the opposite way when she’s with her new boyfriends. I wonder if she would drop a little heroin or coke into the urn when she was getting a fix? I mean, it would have been just like old times. No wonder she’s distraught, she lost her crack buddy. You know what they say. It’s only an addiction when you’re getting fucked up alone.

Technorati Tags: Courtney Love, Ashes, Kurt Cobain, Nirvana, Crack, Cocaine, Heroin, Stolen, Suicidal

Not that there is anything wrong with that sort of thing, of course. It’s just when you hear the name Josh Groban you don’t immediately think pot. Instead you might find yourself thinking about suburban soccer moms screaming when they hear his intense songs of inspiration, like “You Raise Me Up”. Nonetheless, Groban has admitted that he’s spent some time in Amsterdam and by the way he talks about the hilarious moments that he spent with bandmates watching bowling, it becomes obvious what he was doing there.

The interview by Men’s Style offers plenty of interesting tidbits about Grobin that you might not have known.

The highlights include:

On Smoking Pot:

“Hey, do you remember, in Amsterdam, like, how funny bowling got all of a sudden?” Groban asks. “I don’t even remember Amsterdam,” says drummer Craig MacIntyre. “Never mind,” Groban says abruptly, prompting gales of laughter. But he continues the story anyway: “We were in that café”—he pauses meaningfully—“uh, for coffee. And, um, it was on TV and we’re like, ‘Oh, bowling’s on!’ And then, like, an hour later we were like”—he affects a stoner voice straight out of a Harold & Kumar movie—“‘Look at the way they’re squatting!’”

On His Voice:

“People will see a poster of me walking through the desert with, like, a who-can-have-the-most-serious-stare-contest stare on my face,” he says, “and I sing a lot of songs that are very serious, my voice is classically trained . . . ”

On Kid Rock and the Paparazzi:

“I had Kid Rock over after the Emmys. It’s like three in the morning and I’m like, ‘Come on down to my place! Yeah. I told him, ‘You’re totally ruining your image—you gotta get out of here!’”

Technorati Tags: Josh Groban, Pothead, Pot, Amsterdam, Kid Rock, Paparazzi, Interview, Bowling

Apparently Ashlee Simpson-Wentz has not learned anything from her sister. Well, either that or she realized she wasn’t going to make a living for much longer selling music with her vocal issues. To ensure a bright and successful life, the Simpson-Wentz clan are shopping around the idea of a Newlywed show in the same vein as the show that Jessica did with Nick prior to becoming a divorced, drunken slut with a penchant for football players.

I’ve heard of following in your sister’s footsteps, but isn’t this a little ridiculous?! Ashlee will, of course, be playing the Jessica role. This means she will be the moron and Pete gets to roll his eyes, laugh, and profess his love to a wife with the IQ of 12. While the couple has yet to find a network, they are shopping around, and even have footage they can offer as samples!

According to sources for OK Magazine:

“One scene is at a dinner and everyone is toasting to business ventures and important things like that. When it came to Ashlee, she toasts to jewelry, and Pete just shook his head.”

Wow, I don’t know about you, but with footage like that, I can’t wait for it to be picked up by VH1! Not only that, but it’s sure to be a hit with lines and reactions like that.

Technorati Tags: Ashlee Simpson-Wentz, Pete Wentz, Newlyweds, Television, Reality TV, Idiot, Moron, OK Magazine, VH1

Mariah Carey might be able to hit a note that will make you go deaf, but when it comes to throwing a ball she isn’t very good. She can suck a ball (I’m sure!). She can fondle a ball, but throwing one away isn’t her strong suit. Of course, if it was her strong suit that whole Derek Jeter thing would have never happened.

Recently Mariah was in Japan for a baseball game where she got to throw the first pitch. Well, she threw it, about 1 1/2 inches. You can check out Mimi’s sad attempt at throwing by checking out the following video:

I can’t blame her for being dainty about it though. With those shorts, any funny movements would have caused her vagina to fall right out. And really, who wants to see that? I wonder if she would have done better had they put a target of Tommy Matola’s face over the plate?! Inquiring minds, want to know.

By the way, not to be nit-picky or anything, but is it just me or did Mariah not wax her lip for this photo? The girl looks like Britney’s weave fell on her upper lip.

Technorati Tags: Mariah Carey, Baseball, Throw, Loser, Japanese Baseball, Tommy Matola, Derek Jeter, Mariah Sucks, Ball

A while back I wrote an article about how truly, disgustingly awful the Jonas Brothers sounded on the AMA Awards. I had never heard them sing and despite them sounding like complete crap, there were some fans that got very upset that I called them metrosexuals and cut them down when they are really nice and upstanding young men.

Of course, one of these upstanding young men dated Miley Cyrus who is becoming not as upstanding or nice as she used to be, but that’s for another day. This is something different it’s about the Jonas Brothers.

Again, I saw them perform live. This time they were on the American Idol stage. After I cleaned up my urine (I have a bad bladder when I laugh hysterically at something) I realized that maybe I wasn’t being fair. I tried to listen to them again. I say tried because I couldn’t stop giggling. Sure, I’ve heard worse. I’ve heard Chloe Latanzzi sing and in all fairness you can’t get any worse than that. However, they are a close second.

The reason I am offering this heartfelt apology is not because they suck on stage, but rather because I called them metrosexual. I see how unfair that was. I mean just look at this fine, overly-masculine outfit that Joe Jonas wore that night. It’s clearly not metrosexual. I think He-Man actually wore this in Season Two of the box set we just received. If He-Man wore it, it can’t be gay. So, I was wrong. I recant and I apologize.

You will never hear me say that the Jonas Brothers are metrosexual again. Of course, with clothes like that I won’t need to. They say everything I need to and more all on their own.

Technorati Tags: Joe Jonas, The Jonas Brothers, Apology, Miley Cryus, AMAs, American Idol, Stage, Live Performance, Metrosexual

For those of you who didn’t catch Mariah “Mimi” Carey on Good Morning America, there was quite an interesting flub that occurred when a backup singer tried to take over Mimi’s part. See if you can find the moment where Mimi sings “Stop Singing My Part…Now Baby…”

This was one of the most inventive ways I’ve seen for a star to tell their back up singer to #&#*#@& off!

Technorati Tags: Mimi, Mariah Carey, Good Morning America, Backup singing, singer, flub, stop singing my part, live TV

Hollywood love can be so fickle. It’s easier to lump this shit altogether rather than making a number of posts that will need to be altered as soon as the wind blows. For now, this is the way things are.

Here we have a metrosexual (since people snap when I call him homosexual) in love with a Harry Potter star, a chick crush, and some Idol adoration. Along with that we have a divorce due to homosexual tendencies (I won’t say on which side) and an engagement that leaves us hoping the third times the charm…or is this the fourth time? I think I’ve lost count.

Joe Jonas and Harry Potter Sitting in a Tree

Oh whoops, did I write Harry. Sorry I thought the truth was coming out. My Bad! Alright, don’t get your nuts in a twist. Joe Jonas, the last remaining, soon to be 19 year old male virgin (by choice) on the planet (I think he means, virgin to females) has admitted he has a girl crush. He states to E! that it’s sad none of his brothers have a girlfriend (gee, I wonder why?), but is quick to point out that he is totally into Emma Watson. What he didn’t add is that he just wants to go shopping with her and have her paint his toenails! Rock on Joe!

Janet Jackson is Strutting Out (of the Closet)
Like her brother Michael, Janet Jackson is willing to admit her interest in the same sex. Well, in her case it’s not kids and there isn’t a carousel or underage drinking involved, but she’s talking to E! about who she would do if she decided to go carpet bagging. According to Janet, she would do Alicia Keys, because she’s wonderful. She wanted to add though that Alicia is not a lesbian, which has been speculated in the past. She thinks people say that because Alicia is a strong woman. Of course, having women come out and talk about the licky, licky with her name involved probably doesn’t help.

Idol Hate turns to Love
For all of you that thought that Simon and Paula don’t like each other, well I guess you were wrong. While it’s true Simon might not be all up on Paula’s jock (right, like you didn’t know), she seems to want to be up on his. When speaking to Extra about her vocal problems that almost ruined her singing career, she led into a discussion of Idol and of Simon. About Simon she said, “He has meant a lot in my life for many reasons. He has made me stronger than I ever imagined I could be. There’s nobody who can rock my world, nobody, I learned from the master himself.”

The Master, you heard it, and I don’t know about you, but I think it left a nasty taste in my mouth.

Carmen to Marry…Again
It’s no secret that Carmen Electra has interesting taste in her love matches. There was Dennis Rodman and crooner turned Porn-man, Dave Navarro then there was Joan Jett and now Rob Patterson. For those not in the know, Patterson is the guitarist for the bad Korn. Unbeknownst to me, the couple has been dating for a year, and he popped the question on her birthday. The diamond is black and set in additional white diamonds. Let’s hope this time it sticks.

Additionally, Electra has stated she’s ready to be a mommy…She might get lucky if this marriage lasts longer than the one she had with Rodman. Of course, like they teach you in Sex Ed…it only takes one time, no matter how quick it is.

Starlet Jones Leaves Gay (possible Happy) Husband
Star has been saying Al isn’t gay for years. She can say what she wants, but no one is buying that. Recently, she filed for divorce, but since she hates to let others think they are right, she isn’t saying why. Instead she told E.T., “Several years ago I made an error in judgment by inviting the media into the most intimate area of my life. A month ago I filed for divorce. The dissolution of a marriage is a difficult time in anyone’s life that requires privacy with one’s thoughts. I have committed myself to handling this situation with dignity and grace and look forward to emerging from this period as a stronger and wiser woman,” That’s short for you were right America and he was doing our house boy!

Technorati Tags: Star Jones, Al, Janet Jackson, Alicia Keys, Joe Jonas, Emma Watson, Carmen Electra, Rob Patterson, Engagement, Crush, Girl Crush, Divorce

TMZ is reporting that Amy Winehouse, Grammy Winner and Crackhead, has just been arrested by Scotland Yard on suspicion of assault. She currently sits, waiting, at the Holborn Police Station. When this story was originally reported she was supposed to be able to be released within an hour.

However, now the police are keeping her until midnight tonight. She was accused of head-butting someone outside of a London bar. The most she can do in prison would be 6 months of time. This shouldn’t phase her too much because if London is anything like the US, the drugs are better in prison anyway.

The Scotland Yard has been investigating this incident since it occurred. Apparently, a 38 year old man wanted to be nice and tried to hail Wino a cab. Being the sultry, sex temptress that she is, she assumed he was trying to molest her and proceeded to fuck him up. Unfortunately, he really was just trying to hail the crazy bitch a cab. I mean really, would you molest that?!

This story is developing, so news will be added to this article as it becomes available.

Technorati Tags: Amy Winehouse, Rehab, Head Butt, London, Bar, Scotland Yard, Arrest, Molest

I just have to wonder what is wrong with this bitch. How do you come from Olivia Newton John and then end up sounding like a stuck pig on buy one sow, get one free day? Any way you look at it, Chloe Lattanzi is utterly disgusting. Not only is she like the ugliest, big-lipped, distorted face freak on the show (some of the Rock the Cradle‘rs are decent looking). She’s also by far the worst singer. I am shocked that she hasn’t left yet. I am starting to think there is a Rock the Cradle Vote for the Worst out there. If there is, this nappy headed, out of tune temptress (to blind people) could actually win the whole thing.

I thought last week was bad. When she did “I Hate Everything About You” and started trying to masturbate on stage and then you could see her snatch, I seriously almost vomited in my mouth. I tried to hold it in, afraid that it would projectile onto my television because she was the object of my vomit’s obsession, so I did my best to stop that. I do love my television, after all.

I have added the video below in case you feel you need to vomit, as well. This will help you. I promise.

I Hate Everything About You

This week’s performance called for a cover of one of her mom’s songs. She chose “I Honestly Love You”, but turned it into some goth-induced, wannabe rock tune that was completely scary. It came complete with backup dancers and while it was not as bad (less masturbation this time around) it was still pretty bad. It might not make you vomit, but it will certainly make a lot of people wonder what the fuck is going on so that this crazed bitch is even on television in the first place. She’s lucky her momma is famous or she would be in some serious trouble.

I Honestly Love You

Technorati Tags: I Hate Everything About You, I Honestly Love You, Chloe Lattanzi, Rock the Cradle, Olivia Newton John